I'm such a horrible blogger already.
I'm such a horrible blogger already. I was supposed to write yesterday! I totally forgot! I'm so MAD at myself! But whatever, it's not like I'm doing this for anybody but myself, and yet I feel like I should live up to my own expectations. That's only logical, right.
So anyway, where do I start?
Well yesterday lots of things happened. One, I went to school.
Not like for first day of classes though. Seniors are supposed to plan their entrance and put on a show. So it was kinda like a meeting. They told us about the Senior breakfast, which I really liked and hope it turns out like I'm expecting it to be, and the entrance, which also sounded fun, and the "show" part, which we didn't get to agree on.
I volunteered an idea right there in front of everyone but got rejected. Later that day through the Whatsapp group chat of the entire Senior Class of 2017 I volunteered three more ideas. No comments were made. So now I have no idea what they'll ask us to do and frankly I don't care. I had wanted to and then I didn't anymore.
My ideas were not only for the show but they also carried a message. And pardon me for trying to make a difference in this superficial world.
Anyway, I also got to see my new physics teacher, who happens to be an ex student of my mom's, and I even admitted it to her that he's something. I mean, he's cute. Too short for my taste, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to be paying attention in class.
Also, I keep realizing I have no friends.
Both my parents and I dislike the idea of me learning ballet and would prefer for me to learn martial arts. My mom even went to talk with the principal and she said "oh, but they're not only going to learn ballet, there are other things she'll be learning". Yeah, yeah, blah, blah.
Another thing that happened yesterday, I went to see Suicide Squad. Enjoyed it!
I can't recall anything that has happened before yesterday though.
Okay there's this issue that's been going on, perhaps only in my mind, but it's that I feel uncomfortable around this priest. He creeps me out. And like I said, maybe it's all in my head, but I don't like it when he greets me with too tight, too long hugs and too perky grins. Or when he touches me on the shoulder or head or arms or my hair.
It all started when after mass I was hanging out outside the main entrance, I can't remember who else was there, and he comes and greets us and his hand lingers on my waist, squeezing it, too tightly. I jerked back, his hand was still there. He asked something I can't remember and I said I was ticklish and he squeezed harder. When he finally took his hand away from my waist, I felt dirty. I immediately became suspicious and was always on alert in his presence, trying to avoid him.
Then one day I tried too hard because it became obvious and my parents were embarrassed, my grandma was there scolding me too. I cried because how could they understand that that man, that supposedly saint man, creeped me out. No, I was repulsed by him. And I told my mom that I disliked his touch. That's what I said to her. She was silent. She didn't let me commune.
Later she said to me to not ever do that again. I must be nice.
That was it. Ever since, I'm still trying to avoid him. I think he knows, or at least has an idea, of what I think of him. I know he does. I can see it in the way he looks at me like he's so happy to see me.
Wow. It feels good to admit these things. Even if no one is actually reading this confessions.
I don't like having hair on any other body part that are not my head, brows and eyelids. I wish I could get rid of all the rest. I wish I could trim my eyebrows so they look clean and with shape. I wish my legs didn't have hair on them. I wish I didn't have to be shaving my armpits. I wish my you-know-where wasn't so you-know-how. And the sole reason I haven't tended to these wishes is because I have no idea how and I have no one to help me. My mom is so...I don't even know. She dislikes the idea of me shaving my legs, but what does she know! She hasn't ever needed to shave her legs 'cause they're smooth and hairless!
When I make money of my own, I'll be able to do this though. I just have to wait. But waiting means I have to wear skirts, shorts and dresses while feeling self-counscious of my legs.
So I think that's a wrap for today. I really hope I remember to write next Monday. That day will be an important one.
So anyway, where do I start?
Well yesterday lots of things happened. One, I went to school.
Not like for first day of classes though. Seniors are supposed to plan their entrance and put on a show. So it was kinda like a meeting. They told us about the Senior breakfast, which I really liked and hope it turns out like I'm expecting it to be, and the entrance, which also sounded fun, and the "show" part, which we didn't get to agree on.
I volunteered an idea right there in front of everyone but got rejected. Later that day through the Whatsapp group chat of the entire Senior Class of 2017 I volunteered three more ideas. No comments were made. So now I have no idea what they'll ask us to do and frankly I don't care. I had wanted to and then I didn't anymore.
My ideas were not only for the show but they also carried a message. And pardon me for trying to make a difference in this superficial world.
Anyway, I also got to see my new physics teacher, who happens to be an ex student of my mom's, and I even admitted it to her that he's something. I mean, he's cute. Too short for my taste, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to be paying attention in class.
Also, I keep realizing I have no friends.
Both my parents and I dislike the idea of me learning ballet and would prefer for me to learn martial arts. My mom even went to talk with the principal and she said "oh, but they're not only going to learn ballet, there are other things she'll be learning". Yeah, yeah, blah, blah.
Another thing that happened yesterday, I went to see Suicide Squad. Enjoyed it!
I can't recall anything that has happened before yesterday though.
Okay there's this issue that's been going on, perhaps only in my mind, but it's that I feel uncomfortable around this priest. He creeps me out. And like I said, maybe it's all in my head, but I don't like it when he greets me with too tight, too long hugs and too perky grins. Or when he touches me on the shoulder or head or arms or my hair.
It all started when after mass I was hanging out outside the main entrance, I can't remember who else was there, and he comes and greets us and his hand lingers on my waist, squeezing it, too tightly. I jerked back, his hand was still there. He asked something I can't remember and I said I was ticklish and he squeezed harder. When he finally took his hand away from my waist, I felt dirty. I immediately became suspicious and was always on alert in his presence, trying to avoid him.
Then one day I tried too hard because it became obvious and my parents were embarrassed, my grandma was there scolding me too. I cried because how could they understand that that man, that supposedly saint man, creeped me out. No, I was repulsed by him. And I told my mom that I disliked his touch. That's what I said to her. She was silent. She didn't let me commune.
Later she said to me to not ever do that again. I must be nice.
That was it. Ever since, I'm still trying to avoid him. I think he knows, or at least has an idea, of what I think of him. I know he does. I can see it in the way he looks at me like he's so happy to see me.
Wow. It feels good to admit these things. Even if no one is actually reading this confessions.
I don't like having hair on any other body part that are not my head, brows and eyelids. I wish I could get rid of all the rest. I wish I could trim my eyebrows so they look clean and with shape. I wish my legs didn't have hair on them. I wish I didn't have to be shaving my armpits. I wish my you-know-where wasn't so you-know-how. And the sole reason I haven't tended to these wishes is because I have no idea how and I have no one to help me. My mom is so...I don't even know. She dislikes the idea of me shaving my legs, but what does she know! She hasn't ever needed to shave her legs 'cause they're smooth and hairless!
When I make money of my own, I'll be able to do this though. I just have to wait. But waiting means I have to wear skirts, shorts and dresses while feeling self-counscious of my legs.
So I think that's a wrap for today. I really hope I remember to write next Monday. That day will be an important one.