This is happening, I guess.

This is happening, I guess. Honestly, I really think this blog will help me for the better, whether to teach myself commitment or whatever, at least I'll have something to look forward to on Mondays.

Yes, that's how this will work. Every Monday, nighttime preferably or whenever, I'll log on this blog and write something. Okay, not just something but a brief recount of whatever happened to me, whatever thoughts crossed my mind, or anything I'd like to see written down. And maybe it'll work out.

I think I'll do this for a year. If I complete this-scratch that-completing this has officially become a goal. I have to commit. This seems like the perfect opportunity. Also, something to keep my mind from exploding. 

Another reason for which I'm doing this is because my senior year approaches. The supposedly best year in high school. I hope so anyway. I really, really hope so. School has never meant that much to me, but in retrospective I seem to actually care a lot. For good reasons too. I want out. Of here, I mean. My home, I mean. 

Going away has become an important part for my future lately. I don't know why. I guess some people are attached to familiarity. I am attached to-I don't even know! I wish I could say that there's something out there waiting for me but I'd be lying. 

I've paused and contemplated what I'm doing, writing this. Once you start, it's hard to stop. There's so much I want to say, to myself, that thoughts are clouding up in my head, making it difficult to decide my next words.

It's August 1rst. I had thought ahead of time about starting the blog this day. It seems almost perfect. The first day of the first month of my last year in high school, and hopefully this place, on a Monday. 

When I talk about leaving to my parents, they assume I'll be coming back. I, on the other hand, can't imagine myself further than the four years in college. After graduation? God knows. 

John Green said once in one of his books that it's so hard to leave-until you do. Then it's the easiest thing in the world. It will feel too good. (I had to look up the quote. It's from Paper Towns.) 

Maybe I'll be like Margo Roth Speigelman.

Maybe I'm tired of all the paper people in this paper town. 

Now I'm thinking of what Language arts teacher force us to do almost every time on the first day of class, writing or simply sharing our summer vacation with the rest of the class. I distinctly remember once responding to "how was your summer, Georgina?" with a "lame" and a "boring". I doubt it'll be any different this year. 

Thing is, I don't do much on vacations. Yes, I spend a month in the capital with my grandma, aunt, cousins, and recently, older sister. But those trips are always the same. Boring, sometimes even excruciating (kidding). 

Honestly, though, I strongly dislike going. I can't decide if it's because of the people or whatever but after a few days, it's hard to bear, keep cool, and not embarrass my mom.

Back home, I feel more free to read anything I want anytime I want; to cook anything I want; to watch tv or a movie or YouTube (Good Mythical Morning, which by the way premiered its 10th season today!) and not worry I'm disturbing anyone; to feel comfortable writing down my thoughts. 

I'm almost done with the orthodontic treatment (braces) and I'm starting with the dermatologic treatment (acne). I'm working out. 

I already like the beginning of senior year. 

The guys from Youth (RC) planned an short field trip. We went to this river that had nice waterfalls and lots of big rocks from which you could jump off into really deep pools of water. I'm afraid of heights, and I have enough proof to say it is a phobia. But I took a risk. I jumped. 

Now, it did not just happen. So many things were going on in my head. I can only recall split second decisions: my determination to do something adventurous for once, climbing up the rock, looking down and trying not to, and finally, after way too much thought, I jumped. 

There's little record of my actually doing it. There are pictures of me on top of the rock. I was too shy to ask them to take a photo of me. I should have.

So, I think I'm done for today.