When you've been up high, falling hurts so much more.
When you've been up high, falling hurts so much more. Even tripping feels like falling because you know how it's like to be at the top.
Oh well. I've had better grades, but it's not late to pick them back up to first place. I just have to run faster, harder, more strategically.
And I just know people are gonna talk about it, asking me what happened. Oh, how I wish I could snap at them and say, "I don't have to live up to the standards you have put for me. I will not. And I will not explain myself to you."
For real, I have no idea what I will do. Smile it off? Raise my eyebrow at them like, excuse me, who are you? I like that one.
Whatever Georgina, get over it, and I know you will, 'cause you do.
I cried yesterday. I cry sometimes, when I'm alone, silently so nobody notices. I cried because my family doesn't have the money we need. The sad reality is that money opens up opportunities.
Then I talked to myself a little.
"Are you okay? Yes, I'm fine. You see, it's always the same thing with me. Fisrt I'm happy with what's been given to me in my life, then I'm sad I have so little, then I cry because I can't understand why God wishes for me to do with my life, then I stop and feel guilty and apologize to God for being ungrateful, then I accept what little I have and go back to the beginning. It's a cyclic process. Ha, ha."
Had a lengthy chat with myself last night. I do that sometimes. I guess I'm the only one that understands me.
I've been struggling to find any scholarship opportunities. Universities only give small helps, and most full ride ones are for Masters and PhD. There's still the Walton, but those universities don't sound like somewhere I'd enjoy myself. I found one just last night in Japan. At some point I felt the need to look just once more and I found a full ride scholarship in the Japanese embassy website. It looks better than the Walton, mainlt because there are so many majors, and one I especially liked. Sadly I would not be able to do my academic plan.
Oh yeah, I made a plan. I wanted a degree in an engineering, and because I was struggling to decide which type of engineering, I made a list.
1. Electrical
2. Environmental
3. Mechanical
4. Chemical
5. Industrial or Physics (I'm adding the latter just now)
So, one of those and either double major with or minor in English/Literature/Creative Writing. I've also been panicking about not choosing the right major or studying something I'm not gonna enjoy doing.
Rhett and Link said that if you could find a way to make money doing what you love then you should do it, and that's exactly what I want to do. But what do I love doing? Do I love science and research and technology?
In this context, love means being passionate about something in particular. Like, I love reading; I'm passionate about reading. Am I, or will I be, passionate about engineering?
Am I, or will I ever be, passionate about life?
Actually yes. I am passionate about life. I love life.
Oh well. I've had better grades, but it's not late to pick them back up to first place. I just have to run faster, harder, more strategically.
And I just know people are gonna talk about it, asking me what happened. Oh, how I wish I could snap at them and say, "I don't have to live up to the standards you have put for me. I will not. And I will not explain myself to you."
For real, I have no idea what I will do. Smile it off? Raise my eyebrow at them like, excuse me, who are you? I like that one.
Whatever Georgina, get over it, and I know you will, 'cause you do.
I cried yesterday. I cry sometimes, when I'm alone, silently so nobody notices. I cried because my family doesn't have the money we need. The sad reality is that money opens up opportunities.
Then I talked to myself a little.
"Are you okay? Yes, I'm fine. You see, it's always the same thing with me. Fisrt I'm happy with what's been given to me in my life, then I'm sad I have so little, then I cry because I can't understand why God wishes for me to do with my life, then I stop and feel guilty and apologize to God for being ungrateful, then I accept what little I have and go back to the beginning. It's a cyclic process. Ha, ha."
Had a lengthy chat with myself last night. I do that sometimes. I guess I'm the only one that understands me.
I've been struggling to find any scholarship opportunities. Universities only give small helps, and most full ride ones are for Masters and PhD. There's still the Walton, but those universities don't sound like somewhere I'd enjoy myself. I found one just last night in Japan. At some point I felt the need to look just once more and I found a full ride scholarship in the Japanese embassy website. It looks better than the Walton, mainlt because there are so many majors, and one I especially liked. Sadly I would not be able to do my academic plan.
Oh yeah, I made a plan. I wanted a degree in an engineering, and because I was struggling to decide which type of engineering, I made a list.
1. Electrical
2. Environmental
3. Mechanical
4. Chemical
5. Industrial or Physics (I'm adding the latter just now)
So, one of those and either double major with or minor in English/Literature/Creative Writing. I've also been panicking about not choosing the right major or studying something I'm not gonna enjoy doing.
Rhett and Link said that if you could find a way to make money doing what you love then you should do it, and that's exactly what I want to do. But what do I love doing? Do I love science and research and technology?
In this context, love means being passionate about something in particular. Like, I love reading; I'm passionate about reading. Am I, or will I be, passionate about engineering?
Am I, or will I ever be, passionate about life?
Actually yes. I am passionate about life. I love life.