Christmas was yesterday.
Christmas was yesterday.
Why have I stopped feeling the excitement for holidays and first days of school and other things I usually got a tingly feeling about. I kept telling myself, "I don't feel Christmas". How sad.
When, when had all this dullness started? When I turned 16? 15? Could be. I haven't felt my birthdays; I haven't felt different about being a year older. Perhaps that has a delayed effect? Maybe it's just that aging isn't something one is looking forward anymore?
Yes, I tell myself all the time that I'm so over high school; that I want to e on my own already; that growing up is all I look forward to. But that is what kids naturally say to themselves, right? And yet, another part of me is saying that I don't want to grow up; that I want to turn back time; that my childhood needs a little more living. Also, I wish I could change many things. Anyways, why do I have such an ambiguous state of mind?
I realize I'm making lots of unanswerable questions.
2017 is approaching. The year I graduate. Let's leave it at that because I'm not exactly sure it will be the year of my independence. No. I know for a fact that it is NOT the year of my independence. That'll come around when I'm at least 21. Like Isis Mercedes. She's still VERY dependent though.
Nonetheless, 2017 will be great. It'll be awesome! Ojalá. Inshallah. Si Dios quiere.
Oh, we gave each other gifts this Christmas. Mom's idea. Shocking right. Well, it went like this: each of us had to buy a gift for each of us, and the only secretive part is that we did not know exactly what, of the wishlist we made, they'd get us. Mom gave each of her daughters L. 700.00 to buy all the gifts. I had it easy, with the least expensive gifts. The others had a bit of trouble with theirs.
So, the day comes, well actually, it's the night. The night comes when we have to give out and open ours presents. It was all going fine, everyone was happy with what they got, except...
Isis Mercedes had to get me a cap; I wanted it solid black. I did not like the cap she got me and expressed my sentiment out loud. Mistake. She cried! I almost even gave it away but then she started crying and I just said, "Okay fine. I'll use it. Thank you." It did not solve much. Mom just looked at me like I was insensitive. Maybe I had been, am. And in the morning she asked me to apologize. But I didn't, and it's too late to do it now. Hopefully she'll get over it.
The rest of my gifts I liked. Sunglasses, a choker-ish necklace, and an agenda (!). I want to be more organized. This is shocking to me! I'm a very messy, unorderly person. But I have to change that, if only a bit. But now I'm thinking that perhaps what I needed was a daily planner. The agenda will do. It's shiny, pretty, and it has quotes for everyday! Esther got it for me. I thanked her, in my own awkward way.
I think my problem is that I'm too sincere. Sometimes I can't hold back my candor. I speak my mind and heart without filter, regardless of what others might feel. I've hurt people.
2017 will be awesome!