It's been a while but in my defense, I did not have my laptop with me.
It's been a while but in my defense, I did not have my laptop with me. Thankfully, all is good now, at least with the PC anyways.
But to be honest, not all is good.
Where do I start?
I went to the SPSCON, which btw was not international. I liked the experience. I genuinely did. Crisis committees are fun. The topic, colonizing Mars, was interesting, and the chairs, besides good-looking, were very inventive with the crisis updates.
I can even say I enjoyed being with the MUN team. The only thing I disliked completely was that I was sharing the bed with Anna. At some point in the second night, she hugged me! Ew.
Also, on the last night, after the event ended, we made a "sleepover" and we started talking, mostly Lloyd, about stuff in our lives. Everytime I hear Lloyd speak I learn new things and my principles are reassured in my mind. Oh, and the gossip is just amazing. So, when it was my turn to be on the hot seat, they asked who was my best friend. I said I didn't have. They asked why. That's when I lost it. I cried in front of these people! How humiliating. They started to change the subject but I turned the chair (I had turned away from them) and said that I'd explain. I had once had a best friend in sixth grade and that was the last time I had a friend. Then we drifted apart and I wanted to keep talking and saying how I guess it's my fault that I have no friends because of the personality and how my mother supported me in this situation of not having friends and how perhaps my premature independence has been a cause of my friendlessness. But maybe it's better that Anna and Sofia started talking about how our class was always divided nd blah blah blah.
I was asked thrice in less than two weeks whether I had ever kissed or had sex. Both answers are no. I don't know how to feel when I see that younger kids answer yes. I'm proud of myself, in that matter, because I've always wished to reach marriage as a virgin, or at least have sex with just one man for the rest of my life.
The best thing about this trip to SPS was Harold Garita. He is a young Costarrican entrepreneur. He founded with his best friend a non profit organization to help homeless people by giving them electric blankets which warms them up, which were developed by him and a group of his friends. I am completely awed with this. It's incredible. Simply awesome. He was in my committee and I did not suspect a thing about him. I did know he was from Costa Rica, I even told him about my grandma. We chatted a bit. He is very nice. He told this story in an icebreaker about how his friend accidentally pulled down his pants, and underwear, in front of his crush. It was hilarious. He is also very cute. I mean, I decided I liked him as soon as I heard, from him during his speech at the closing ceremony. It was shocking to see and realize he had come and participated just so he could give a speech in the end. I was honestly impressed. He has done things I can only begin to imagine doing. Yes, I've had my daydreams about saving the world, but he has actually done something.
I even changed my profile picture in Whatsapp to the one I asked him to take with me while we were in the process of leaving. He was talking with me and Diego about the MUN in Costa Rica and the scholarship to the Harvard MUN if you won.
The only thing I know for sure is that if I go to Costa Rica, I'll contact him. He accepted my Facebook friend request but not Instagram, hmm.
I had a conversation with Mom and Isis Mercedes in Whatsapp, one that could only happen in texts. It was about being liked, which surged after I told them about Harold. It was pretty deep and I liked it. I realize I could never talk like that in person.
Being sentimental is my weakness. I can't seem to be able to express my feelings properly, without crying or getting a lump in my throat.
So, back home on Saturday I went to a meeting with the Youth group in church. Hopefully this time it stays. When it was my turn to introduce myself, I said: "I hope the group continues after I leave." I wonder what goes on in my brain. Do I really think I'm one foot out of here?
After that I went to the Red Cross's Christmas dinner. I just ate and left. Zelaya was there but I'm over my crush. He's so not what I thought he was like.
Great news before I give depressing ones. My braces are off!!! My teeth look good now. Aligned and not protruding out of my mouth. I still think the incisors are a bit crooked though, but if the orthodontist thinks they're set then he knows better. I've already gotten my retainers. Maybe I'll get my teeth whitened. I feel myself changing already. I had said that I wanted to change. I have nice teeth, I'll have a good skin, maybe my hair will go next. A cut? Color? Yes. Yes. Not now though. If I leave-when I leave.
Now for the ugly news. Today we celebrated Mrs. Ilze's birthday with a surprise at her house. I disliked her some of her family was visiting her and we had to give them food too. And Ms. Sarah arrived. We each had to say something nice to Mrs. Ilze. I said: "como saben, a mi no me agradan los maestros, ninguno, pero ninguno. Y la excepcion es usted [Mrs. Ilze]. O sea, ningun maestro me agrada pero a usted [Mrs. Ilze] si la quiero." Then, silence. Fernando made a stupid comment about how it was only me who said that, "we want to pass preca". In what way would what I had said affect out grades?
Anyways, it was awkward. So awkward. Then she says that she knows what students say about her and then we're seeking her help blah blah blah. More awkwardness.
When I told Mom this, she said that was an inmature thing to do. I should learn to hold my tongue and be diplomatic, that it was not hypocritical to just keep quiet. I was rude. I was crying, which is no surprise.
I don't know now what came into me. In my head the words seemed right. In my ears the words became an avalanche. I liked that Mrs. Ilze was trying to defend me by saying that that is how I speak, that is my personality. She's not wrong. Just that in this situation I should've just ...I don't know. Like I said, I'm not good with emotions.
A very crazy idea occurred to me: I should apologize to her tomorrow during the closing ceremony of 9th grade's MUN, when JJ and I are supposed to announce the winners. This is what I imagine myself saying: "I know this is out of topic, but I just want to make an apology to Ms. Sarah. I said something stupid yesterday and I'm sorry." Then I guess I'll continue with the ceremony. It would be awkward again, and I'll have lots of questions later, but at least I'd be apologizing without having to be face to face with her. By paper just seems unintentional.
But to be honest, not all is good.
Where do I start?
I went to the SPSCON, which btw was not international. I liked the experience. I genuinely did. Crisis committees are fun. The topic, colonizing Mars, was interesting, and the chairs, besides good-looking, were very inventive with the crisis updates.
I can even say I enjoyed being with the MUN team. The only thing I disliked completely was that I was sharing the bed with Anna. At some point in the second night, she hugged me! Ew.
Also, on the last night, after the event ended, we made a "sleepover" and we started talking, mostly Lloyd, about stuff in our lives. Everytime I hear Lloyd speak I learn new things and my principles are reassured in my mind. Oh, and the gossip is just amazing. So, when it was my turn to be on the hot seat, they asked who was my best friend. I said I didn't have. They asked why. That's when I lost it. I cried in front of these people! How humiliating. They started to change the subject but I turned the chair (I had turned away from them) and said that I'd explain. I had once had a best friend in sixth grade and that was the last time I had a friend. Then we drifted apart and I wanted to keep talking and saying how I guess it's my fault that I have no friends because of the personality and how my mother supported me in this situation of not having friends and how perhaps my premature independence has been a cause of my friendlessness. But maybe it's better that Anna and Sofia started talking about how our class was always divided nd blah blah blah.
I was asked thrice in less than two weeks whether I had ever kissed or had sex. Both answers are no. I don't know how to feel when I see that younger kids answer yes. I'm proud of myself, in that matter, because I've always wished to reach marriage as a virgin, or at least have sex with just one man for the rest of my life.
The best thing about this trip to SPS was Harold Garita. He is a young Costarrican entrepreneur. He founded with his best friend a non profit organization to help homeless people by giving them electric blankets which warms them up, which were developed by him and a group of his friends. I am completely awed with this. It's incredible. Simply awesome. He was in my committee and I did not suspect a thing about him. I did know he was from Costa Rica, I even told him about my grandma. We chatted a bit. He is very nice. He told this story in an icebreaker about how his friend accidentally pulled down his pants, and underwear, in front of his crush. It was hilarious. He is also very cute. I mean, I decided I liked him as soon as I heard, from him during his speech at the closing ceremony. It was shocking to see and realize he had come and participated just so he could give a speech in the end. I was honestly impressed. He has done things I can only begin to imagine doing. Yes, I've had my daydreams about saving the world, but he has actually done something.
I even changed my profile picture in Whatsapp to the one I asked him to take with me while we were in the process of leaving. He was talking with me and Diego about the MUN in Costa Rica and the scholarship to the Harvard MUN if you won.
The only thing I know for sure is that if I go to Costa Rica, I'll contact him. He accepted my Facebook friend request but not Instagram, hmm.
I had a conversation with Mom and Isis Mercedes in Whatsapp, one that could only happen in texts. It was about being liked, which surged after I told them about Harold. It was pretty deep and I liked it. I realize I could never talk like that in person.
Being sentimental is my weakness. I can't seem to be able to express my feelings properly, without crying or getting a lump in my throat.
So, back home on Saturday I went to a meeting with the Youth group in church. Hopefully this time it stays. When it was my turn to introduce myself, I said: "I hope the group continues after I leave." I wonder what goes on in my brain. Do I really think I'm one foot out of here?
After that I went to the Red Cross's Christmas dinner. I just ate and left. Zelaya was there but I'm over my crush. He's so not what I thought he was like.
Great news before I give depressing ones. My braces are off!!! My teeth look good now. Aligned and not protruding out of my mouth. I still think the incisors are a bit crooked though, but if the orthodontist thinks they're set then he knows better. I've already gotten my retainers. Maybe I'll get my teeth whitened. I feel myself changing already. I had said that I wanted to change. I have nice teeth, I'll have a good skin, maybe my hair will go next. A cut? Color? Yes. Yes. Not now though. If I leave-when I leave.
Now for the ugly news. Today we celebrated Mrs. Ilze's birthday with a surprise at her house. I disliked her some of her family was visiting her and we had to give them food too. And Ms. Sarah arrived. We each had to say something nice to Mrs. Ilze. I said: "como saben, a mi no me agradan los maestros, ninguno, pero ninguno. Y la excepcion es usted [Mrs. Ilze]. O sea, ningun maestro me agrada pero a usted [Mrs. Ilze] si la quiero." Then, silence. Fernando made a stupid comment about how it was only me who said that, "we want to pass preca". In what way would what I had said affect out grades?
Anyways, it was awkward. So awkward. Then she says that she knows what students say about her and then we're seeking her help blah blah blah. More awkwardness.
When I told Mom this, she said that was an inmature thing to do. I should learn to hold my tongue and be diplomatic, that it was not hypocritical to just keep quiet. I was rude. I was crying, which is no surprise.
I don't know now what came into me. In my head the words seemed right. In my ears the words became an avalanche. I liked that Mrs. Ilze was trying to defend me by saying that that is how I speak, that is my personality. She's not wrong. Just that in this situation I should've just ...I don't know. Like I said, I'm not good with emotions.
A very crazy idea occurred to me: I should apologize to her tomorrow during the closing ceremony of 9th grade's MUN, when JJ and I are supposed to announce the winners. This is what I imagine myself saying: "I know this is out of topic, but I just want to make an apology to Ms. Sarah. I said something stupid yesterday and I'm sorry." Then I guess I'll continue with the ceremony. It would be awkward again, and I'll have lots of questions later, but at least I'd be apologizing without having to be face to face with her. By paper just seems unintentional.