I feel so anxious.

I feel so anxious.

What if I get it? What if I don't?

I don't know what to think.

And if they tell me their decision right then?

Mrs. Hyde said they do that.

She hugged me. She said they'll pray for me.

I hope she means it, and not just so the name of the school is acclaimed. 

Mrs. Mariana also gave me encouragement: pray, pray, pray.

Mrs. Astrid did too: just be you and pray. She also said, "te tengo cariño por tu mami y por la escuela". I would feel bad if that affected their decision when they picked me. 

Luis and Guillermo commented that they were pissed 'cause they wasted their time by applying. I commented that this things are by chance. Obviously, I lied, perhaps to make them feel better about it. This opportunity is a blessing. One I'm very, very grateful for. I'm still thanking Him. 

April and Ronald were talking about me, I think. I wasn't part of the conversation but with what I could catch, I think they were talking about somebody in the class saying somethin about him, maybe that she liked him. I heard him guessing and finally he, I think, said my name. April just smiled mischiveously. Hmm. 

Today some seniors went to el CURLA with Ms. Sarah about el PAA. The whole day felt relaxed. 

I think I'm cheating. Twice already, during Physics. Mr. Dario says I broke his heart. In a CW, we were working in groups, April, Nasly and I, and we used my notebook. When Mr. Dario picked our papers he pointed out that the second answer was wrong. I checked my notebook and followed him, saying I had forgotten to write my name. I almost fooled him but he saw I had my complete heading. 

"I can't trust you anymore", he said to me, in front of the whole class. 

Everytime he catches my eye, he makes a zigzag motion over his chest. 

The second time was today in the test. He went out of the classroom and I took a paper from Nasly's desk (she wasn't there) where she had the problem solved (in my defense, I had it in my notebook and I studied it). I only ended up using it to see that I was missing information. Thing is, if I hadn't missed the information, I would have answered on my own. But then, April asked me to check answers. I passed the paper and Fernando (Mrs. Ilze's son) took it from us (he was left in charge). Fortunately, he threw it away.

I feel bad about that. 

I'm so sorry.

I wore Carlos Rojas's crocs for most of the day. April made a joke about it. "Tu mujer las anda." She made that joke before. "Georgina turn around. Rojas, see, she's a prospect."

I mean, Rojas isn't ugly, but he's troubled. So troubled. 

Gino isn't ugly either. He's so hot. But he's a douchbag. He can be nice, sometimes, when he wants help. He is nice when he is vulnerable.

I'm a book thief. I took a book from the library when no one was there. I had gone to try every door but all of them were locked. Afterschool, I went again. One door was open. I stepped in and stepped out. But I left a note, on the same note I had left like a week ago when I returned a book. 

This is my kind of cool.

I saw the vips in Megapaca, buying clothes for the crossfit training they've began. Mom wouldn't let me. "No necesitas bajar de peso."

I saw Jorge, April's ex, at the mall. I completey ingnored him. He caught my eye but a reflex made me avert my face. How embarrassing.

Tomorrow I leave. The interview is on Wednesday. 

Friday was the Summer Vibes party in school. I took Esther and Gloria. I had quite fun quality time with my peer cousin. I remember how, as little kids, we were inseparable. We grew up; we grew distant. We run in very different social circles; hers being the size of La Ceiba, mine being nonexistent. But that night, I felt like we were two friends that danced and took pictures in a photobooth. It was fun. 

There was mingling too. Gloria knows almost everybody. She introduced me to Anderson's girlfriend, her former neighbor, whom they expected I'd remember. She introduced me to Anderson's cousin. That was quite awkward. 

Then Jonathan and Gloria shared a brief dance, where they were like a meter apart. Nalda went crazy with jealousy, yelling "a esa me la voy a arrastrar", or something along the lines. I yelled back, "callate que es mi prima". I took Gloria and we sat down and when I told her we both cracked up. 

Then in the end she started chatting with this guy, who was really cute. I took their picture. As we walked away, she said, "me preguntó si vos eras mi prima y le dije que si y le quedó como que...", here she made a facial expression that could only be translated as (in my understanding of the world) his liking me. Did he like me? Or think I was loony? 

I prefer the former. 

This guy, Alexis I think, is a beach volleyball champion and will travel to Uruguay to play. Wow. And he liked me. 

I spent the next 24 hours fantasizing about him asking Gloria for my number and writing me and asking me out.

The next day  was so tired. The vips hadn't gone to the party, except Nasly, who went with his boyfriend and didn't even dance or anything. But there were stories about me. About how I danced all night without getting tired. True that I danced a lot and enjoyed myself with Gloria. Diego, Monse, and Vasni were talking about that during the TES recess. Anna was there and only lifted her brows when she heard it. What? 

I liked the short minutes of fame I had. 

Daniela had taken a picture of Noor, Monse, Vasni and Stephanie, and I, and we all posted it. I commented: son locas pero divertidas, to which they answered that I was too. They're fun.

Maybe I sounded angry or something in the GJ meeting. I just like things to be clear, is all. I hope they didn't catch it. 

I think that when I leave, and I don't want to sound arrogant, that group will depend solely on Meli. Janely is so irresponsible and uncommitted. She ain't even in college! I, on the other hand, have to balance many activities. 

I'm done for today.

Sometimes I feel like I can't get all of it. 

Maybe I should write more often.

Like, now, I'm remembering how maybe UCR is still an option, as Andrea Leverón reminded me today in Math Bowl practice (I still don't know if I'm definitely in the team, which consists of 6, since we're still at trial), and that I'm in Math Bowl (Anna, Zelaya, Luis, Guillermo, Anderson, Leveron, Katy and Enry, too), and that...