I didn't get it.
I didn't get it. Maybe I didn't pray enough. Maybe God doesn't intend for me to have it. I trust Him. Always.
I thought about it yesterday. Maybe God made me not win the scholarship on purpose. Maybe He'll stop me from getting the Japan scholarship too. Maybe He wants me to realize something. Maybe He wants me to work harder for things. Or maybe it's just me telling myself that I don't want it either. Do I really want to be an engineer? Work as one? Do I actually like mechanical engineering? Or did I make those decisions based on what I think people expect from me? I think I did.
But what would happen if I tell my parents? They'll just ask right back, "what do you want to study?" What would I tell them then?
I want to follow Rhett and Link's advice: if you can find a way to earn money doing what you love, do it. What do I love? Easy, reading. But people don't pay other people to read, at least not in my part of the world. And that's precisely why I feared saying I wanted to be a writer. Because of all the "no vas a ganar dinero con eso" and the "eso no da aquí". I should-I wish I would-answer them with a "FY, stay out of my life". But how could I pronounce those words to family?
Mom and Dad have always told us that we should study what we like. Esther has been saying lately how she wants to study art and they're cool; they're supportive. Would they be the same with me if I confess how I wish I could be a writer?
Is this Your way of telling me to be brave, God? I'm here. Please, tell me what to do.
I thought about it yesterday. Maybe God made me not win the scholarship on purpose. Maybe He'll stop me from getting the Japan scholarship too. Maybe He wants me to realize something. Maybe He wants me to work harder for things. Or maybe it's just me telling myself that I don't want it either. Do I really want to be an engineer? Work as one? Do I actually like mechanical engineering? Or did I make those decisions based on what I think people expect from me? I think I did.
But what would happen if I tell my parents? They'll just ask right back, "what do you want to study?" What would I tell them then?
I want to follow Rhett and Link's advice: if you can find a way to earn money doing what you love, do it. What do I love? Easy, reading. But people don't pay other people to read, at least not in my part of the world. And that's precisely why I feared saying I wanted to be a writer. Because of all the "no vas a ganar dinero con eso" and the "eso no da aquí". I should-I wish I would-answer them with a "FY, stay out of my life". But how could I pronounce those words to family?
Mom and Dad have always told us that we should study what we like. Esther has been saying lately how she wants to study art and they're cool; they're supportive. Would they be the same with me if I confess how I wish I could be a writer?
Is this Your way of telling me to be brave, God? I'm here. Please, tell me what to do.