19.08.14
Romeo and Juliet (Let me catch up)
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Anyway, on Wednesday last week I heard Marco, the handsome guy in tenth grade, say something in German, which I gladly understood. Okay, I was walking to lunch when he was behind me, but he was walking with some girl (ugh). He said, "That is 'I love you' in German. Really. Ich liebe dich. I want to say that ti a girl someday".
I thought, I know what ich liebe dich means, and maybe you can say it to me. But saying that aloud and not feeling embarrassed for intruding a conversation was impossible, so I just broke into a smirk.
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On Sunday, I did something horrible. It was almost 8 pm and dad, my sister and I had just returned from grandma's, with a bit of food in some containers. When I opened them to see what they were, I snapped at my sister for trying to poke the food. Then mom does exactly the same, and I react exactly the same.
Terrible mistake. Mom was outraged. She said, her voice heavy with sarcasm, that it was okay, the food wasn't hers, but I shouldn't talk to her ever.
I thought she was just exaggerating, like always. Then dad came to the kitchen and just had to ask. Mom went bonkers. She screamed how I always embarrassed her in public, and I was rude to her and had little respect. I couldn't meet her eyes. Tears edged to fall.
It hurt that I hurt her. I never mean to be mean to her, and still I do what I do. I didn't want my own mother to hate me; I didn't want to be a bad daughter.
I shut myself until the next day (school, I had to go). I thought she wouldn't speak to me, but she was my ride so I tried to answer her with nods and shakes. The more I open my mouth, the more people hate me.
The only word I spoke that morning to her was Amen.
The thing about my mom is that she could cry out her feelings one moment and the next she's all over you being cozy and kiss-y. I squirmed when she hugged me, and got away from her kisses.
I know, I know. Rude! But the thing with me is that when I get upset, I like to be upset for a long time.
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I'm reading Romeo and Juliet, for both Spanish and Lit. I love it! I have read only one scene, but still. Shakespeare was a real writer, poetic but awesome. I have so many quotes. This is pure romance, and really, the fact that they both die in the end just makes it more romantic.
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Another thing about what happened with mom, I still am trying to not speak unless absolutely necessary. Trust me it's hard, because when you really don't have friends, and your mother has a lot of common interests as you, holding back comments, questions, or retorts, is hard.
And I have this determination to be a good person. Like I said, commitment is not my best skill.