Not another no

Rejection is a part of life, especially for those of us that plan things that might be difficult to attain. It's good to have a goal, a dream. My dad taught me that. 

I'm trying to think things thoroughly, assess every angle. In case I receive yet another no, what is my next step? 

Maybe my goal is too expensive and my dream is too delusional. But I'm tired of postponing. 

No more "if I had more time...", "if I save more money...", if, if, if.

I want to try and if I must fail, then so be it. I'll try something else. 

My parents are on my side, my aunt not so much, yet it's her I'm mostly counting on financially. 

I'm waiting to see how much financial aid I can get. I'm also waiting to see where it's most convenient to get a loan. 

And in the meantime, I can't help but daydream and plan where I'll live and how I'll commute and the people I might meet. 

It's hard not to imagine what it'd be like. My anxiety and stress level are suffering. I need something to go right soon, or else I might manifest physical symptoms like these last couple of days. 

I embarrassed myself at work because I cried when telling my colleague that I felt sick. WTF?! I cry too easily and too often. Has it always been this way?

Counting days down, inviting distractions, feeling restless yet not moving a productive finger.